We had our first fight. Over kids.
The decibel of my voice raised. His was calmer.
I was a bit irrational. He stayed fairly reasonable.
We hassled through things for about an hour, without any solutions rising to the top. It got late. Both of us were tired. And both still upset.
Then I remembered that wise advice so many women gave me before getting married, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.”
I looked at B and I thought about that worthy phrase…
Then I pushed it out of my mind, crawled into our comfy bed and went to sleep.
Yep. The sun went down.
On our wrath.
So much for wise advice around our house. We were taking this newly married thing by storm.
The next day, he called from work. I was calmer. I’d had time to pray and think and process. I’d had time to sort through the night before's struggle. I thought through all the things I knew were true about him and what I really believed was in his heart.
We talked. We apologized. We united. When he got home that night, we hugged for a long time.
The first fight was over.
The most surprising parts of this whole thing though were the feelings I felt afterwards. I had a deeper sense that B was in this thing for good. Like, really in this, for the long haul. It didn’t matter that we fell off the advice-wagon and the sun happened to go down on our anger. He was clear. He was going to hang on tight, without any question, white knuckling it if he has to, to be in this with me. He still wants to laugh with me until we wrinkle up and begin to wither. He still wants to live with me. He still wants to raise our kids together. He still wants to date. He isn’t going anywhere. He won’t leave. He won’t bail. He won’t withdraw. He won’t quit on me or on us. He is in this. With me. Forever. Until we’re 102.
All the commitments I already had in my heart, to hear he had them too…
Those are some of the best feelings in the whole world.
So… the first fight was not fun. It was icky, frustrating and unwelcomed. And I wish it hadn’t happened.
But it did, so I am thanking God for all the feelings I had afterwards… goodness, forgiveness, confession, and love. It was almost worth the conflict.
I sure love the man I married.