Lauren Osborne Blaschke writes about life, her kids, her husband, and her love for the Lord. She hates coffee, but loves sweet tea. Most days she would rather be outside than in. For eight years, she was a single mom to Wes ("the mess"). In 2018, she married Byron, whom she lovingly refers to as "B" in her writing and now has two fantastic additional kids, Ethan and Layla. Her three kids and husband keep her busy and she loves it.
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To my owner,
I feel the need to get a few things off my chest. We've had a whole year together now and I want to take some time to review some of our most memorable moments. I am
entitling this letter, “My Canine Confessions”.
It was me who ate the entire box of crayons. They just
looked so delightfully beautiful. Thanks for renting that carpet-cleaning
machine to clean up my mess after I got sick from the toxicity and almost died.
I also ate the whole pan of brownies (every tiny crumb) you
made for those 8 ladies that came over to your house. I have heard through the
doggy grapevine that chocolate is a big “no no” but apparently it’s fine for
About the whole Easter fiasco…yikes. I found the Easter candy
hiding in the closet. I got through that first bag of chocolate eggs and really
needed some jelly beans to finish the meal. I know you had to go out and get
more Easter candy for Wes and his two cousins. It wasn’t that smart of you to
put it in the exact same spot I found it prior, because as you know, I found it
a second time…and I ate it all again. I’m certainly glad by the time you got
home with the 3rd round of candy, you put it up where I couldn’t get
And that expensive pet bed that you got for me, the one you
waited on for an entire week to arrive, well…I ripped it all up, bit by bit. I
left small pieces of it all over our backyard.
And while we are on the yard, I’m also the one who dug up
all the freshly planted annual flowers last spring. Then they all died on the concrete
where I left them. Oops.
Oh and remember that one time, (or maybe I should say 6
times) that I ate your “unmentionables”? Thank goodness I threw them all up in
the middle of the night so you could dispose of them. Whew. And then we had fun
once again with that carpet-cleaning machine. You really like that thing.
And then the last thing I want to mention is about your baby
sitter’s money. She was so very nice. She set her money down on the ottoman
while the two of you were chatting. I ate it all, yes, all of her baby-sitting
money. I left tiny scraps of it on my pet bed as proof. (That is, the second
pet bed that you bought me, after I shredded the first one.) But remember that you had more money?... so you just paid her again. Thank goodness for that.
I just wanted you to know all of these things. Despite what you might think, I love you.
As a child, each evening my dad would come into my room, prop
up next to my bed to talk with me for a few minutes before telling me
goodnight. The conversations would vary, but the ending was always the same. Before getting up he would say, “If I lined up
all the little girls in the whole wide world, I would pick you to be my
daughter.” I loved hearing that as a little girl, so I would smile, give him a
big hug and kiss and drift off to sleep. Every night was consistent. I never
tired of hearing those words. As I grew older and no longer needed my parents
to tuck me in, that sweet phrase would still come out every now and then. Even
if I acted too cool to hear it, inside it affected me.
I finished college at Texas ATM University and received my
first job teaching Kindergarten in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I moved in to my
own apartment and began to get acquainted with my new city and new home. Though no one was tucking me in at bedtime,
with out fail I received flowers twice a year…
Me: Why is your finger so high up in your nose? Wes: I put a bb in there. Me: Wait. What? What do you mean you put a bb in there? Wes: (Nonchalantly) I shoved a bb up my nose. Me: Why did you do that? Wes: (blank stare, slight shrug) Me: Oh em gee. I need you to get it out. Right now. Wes: I can’t get it out. I've been trying. It’s waaaaay up in there, mom. Me: Get in the car. Wes: Where are we going? Me: To the doctor, of course. Wes: Alright. (totally calm, as if this is totally normal)
To the woman in New York on the fence about abortion,
The conservatives in the nation are in an uproar about the
decision your state made this week. They have decided to give you the option to
“choose” to abort your child for yet a longer percent of your term.
This isn’t new.
In the Old Testament, women were sacrificing their babies by
throwing them into rivers in order to appease the gods.
Today, women sacrifice their babies in honor of women’s
It was happening thousands of years ago and it is still
happening today. It won’t be rendered right until the Lord comes back.
So here is what I’d like to tell you today. For this moment, don’t
worry about the New York legislation or about the rights you have to choose
from. I just want to sit with you right now in your living room as the tiny baby forms
I know exactly how you feel today.
As a single, 27-year-old young professional, I read the same
home pregnancy test you probably recently took.
I too, fe…