Skip to main content

Canine Confessions



To my owner,

I feel the need to get a few things off my chest. We've had a whole year together now and I want to take some time to review some of our most memorable moments. I am entitling this letter, “My Canine Confessions”.

It was me who ate the entire box of crayons. They just looked so delightfully beautiful. Thanks for renting that carpet-cleaning machine to clean up my mess after I got sick from the toxicity and almost died.

I also ate the whole pan of brownies (every tiny crumb) you made for those 8 ladies that came over to your house. I have heard through the doggy grapevine that chocolate is a big “no no” but apparently it’s fine for me!

About the whole Easter fiasco…yikes. I found the Easter candy hiding in the closet. I got through that first bag of chocolate eggs and really needed some jelly beans to finish the meal. I know you had to go out and get more Easter candy for Wes and his two cousins. It wasn’t that smart of you to put it in the exact same spot I found it prior, because as you know, I found it a second time…and I ate it all again. I’m certainly glad by the time you got home with the 3rd round of candy, you put it up where I couldn’t get to it.

And that expensive pet bed that you got for me, the one you waited on for an entire week to arrive, well…I ripped it all up, bit by bit. I left small pieces of it all over our backyard.

And while we are on the yard, I’m also the one who dug up all the freshly planted annual flowers last spring. Then they all died on the concrete where I left them. Oops.

Oh and remember that one time, (or maybe I should say 6 times) that I ate your “unmentionables”? Thank goodness I threw them all up in the middle of the night so you could dispose of them. Whew. And then we had fun once again with that carpet-cleaning machine. You really like that thing.

And then the last thing I want to mention is about your baby sitter’s money. She was so very nice. She set her money down on the ottoman while the two of you were chatting. I ate it all, yes, all of her baby-sitting money. I left tiny scraps of it on my pet bed as proof. (That is, the second pet bed that you bought me, after I shredded the first one.) But remember that you had more money?... so you just paid her again. Thank goodness for that.

I just wanted you to know all of these things.  Despite what you might think, I love you. 

Sincerely,

Spy

But PS. This is why we keep him...



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Divorce and the Land of Israel

(If you are here, the very first thing I want you to read is this: Writing about a divorce can be sticky. I would never want to hurt B in any way. So, please know this post is about the divorce, not about B.)     Rejection.   In the past, I’d had friends hurt my feelings. I was dumped in college. There were jobs I wasn’t offered. There were times I wasn’t invited. But that was pretty much it. The rejection I had felt in my life was, what I would consider, typical.   When I found out B had filed for divorce, I was devastated. Normal, right? I think so. I was intensely sad and cried every day. This too, did not surprise me. In fact, during those first few months, I didn’t fight it. When the sobbing began, I would stop what I was doing so I could heave it out until that episode was over. I also expected the standard emotions that sadness brings with it; disappointment, depression, grief. I wept through each of these and these sorrowful emotions became incr...
1 comment
Read more

My dad's words...when I came home pregnant.

As a child, each evening my dad would come into my room, prop up next to my bed to talk with me for a few minutes before telling me goodnight. The conversations would vary, but the ending was always the same.   Before getting up he would say, “If I lined up all the little girls in the whole wide world, I would pick you to be my daughter.” I loved hearing that as a little girl, so I would smile, give him a big hug and kiss and drift off to sleep. Every night was consistent. I never tired of hearing those words. As I grew older and no longer needed my parents to tuck me in, that sweet phrase would still come out every now and then. Even if I acted too cool to hear it, inside it affected me. I finished college at Texas ATM University and received my first job teaching Kindergarten in the Dallas/Fort Worth area. I moved in to my own apartment and began to get acquainted with my new city and new home.   Though no one was tucking me in at bedtime, with out fail I receiv...
6 comments
Read more

Read with caution.

There are some things that aren’t proper to write about and some you should certainly never post. This is one of those posts, so if you think you should stop reading here, please do so. It will not be deemed appropriate by most. If you’ve ever had a son, I’m pretty sure you’ll “get me” on this one. On Wednesdays, at my Christian school, the faculty meets early for devotional time. They provide childcare for our children, so my son always goes to the library to play with his friends for 15-20 minutes while I am in devotional time with my staff.   Hallelujah! This specific Wednesday, after the ending prayer, I headed to the library to pick Wes up. As I walk in to the library, the lady taking care of the children gives me, uh huh, THE EYE. You know the one. The eye where she non-verbally lets you know she needs to talk to you. (I know this particular non-verbal communication well.) The range of feelings that come after “the look” vary, but most involv...
6 comments
Read more